The Comfy Corner

Tour de Seuss has thus far taken me deep into and all over the most exciting part of the country - the midwest. It's a part of the country that I decided long ago I would never return to. But alas, here I am once again. This time, however, I'm checking my hotel sheets for bedbugs. So, as I sit here in my Effingham, IL hotel room nibbling on my fried chicken, I begin to think about all of the midwestern stereotypes and how very true they are. Here are 7. Warning: I'm about to get very "New York" on you.

1) Things are cheap - we Yelped a restaurant in Dayton, OH called "Cold Beer and Cheeseburgers" aka "exactly what Nathan always wants" and it said that it was 3 money signs. In NY, three money signs means "actors not welcome." Apparently, in the midwest three money signs means 7 dollar burgers. Not joking.

2) People are nice - When I need to change lanes quickly in the midwest, I legit roll down my window and ask the person beside me if I can cut in front of them. They always smile and wave me right in. "So midwest."

3) Highways are boring - I look at the lonely houses in the middle of these HUGE fields and all I can think is, "If they wanted to go to their neighbor's house, they'd have to pack an overnight bag."

4) Fast food is the norm - We went to Taco Bell last night and there were like 12 people in line ahead of us. They were having a birthday party. Or that's what it looked like. People don't mess around with fast food here.

5) Hotels are for prostitutes - My tour mate, Peter, used the hotel lobby computer to print something and all of the pictures in the documents folder were of prostitutes. Really classy. This is why I avoid the bedspreads.

6) People dress poorly - Sweatpants and Uggs. Apparently, that is apropos for all occasions. You can always tell if someone's from a city if they are wearing normal pants and shoes. I mean, I feel absurd wearing a scarf around here.

7) The gays are in Chicago - Everyone's straight in the midwest. If I felt the need to fit in, I'd throw on an Ed Hardy shirt and some baggier jeans. The only place I felt normal was in Chicago. Where there's an H&M with men's clothing, there are gays.