The Comfy Corner

For those presently unaware, I am working for the Harry Potter Exposition in Times Square as the sorting hat. NBD, really. Anywho, there is one question that I always ask all of my first year clients. That question is asked in a stunningly realistic British accent and the question is, "What is your favorite Hogwarts house?" Here are four of my favorite answers.

1) Hufflepuff - I just love everyone who says they like Hufflepuff. I wanna say, "Time to move out of your parent's basement!"

2) Zorendendon - One of the cutest kids I've ever sorted came in and said, in the cutest little voice I've ever heard, that his favorite house was zorendendon. I had no idea what he wanted so I made him a Gryffindor.

3) 1 or 3 - a cute little girl very sincerely told me her favorite house was either 1 or 3. I don't know what kind of number system she had worked out in her head so I made her a Ravenclaw.

4) Well, I suppose I'm a Goofendorf - This was the response given to me by the funniest Texan woman I've ever met. She followed it up by screaming, "IS THAT THING CLEAN?!?" when I put the hat on her.

Stay comfy y'all.

I'm not too good at the whole New Year's resolutions thing, but gosh-darn-it I sure try every year! Last year, I managed to not accomplish ANY of my New Year's irressolutions. Yes, it is "ir-" because last year was a very uncertain year. I mean, let's be real, I'm a pretty productive person day in and day out so while I may fail at accomplishing long term goals, I make my daily goals my bitch. Wake up, check. Eat breakfast, check. Watch Rachel Ray, check. Nap, check. Boom boom boom. Knocking things off my to-do list like Santa. But I've decided to go all out this year and try all of the New Year's resolution tricks in hopes that one of them will stick. So here we go.

My word for the year is "growth." Growth in every sense of the word. I mean, not EVERY sense of the word. I'm not clearing the shelves of Extenze or anything (or am I?). No, I want to gain some weight; growth. I want to finish classes at UCB; growth. I want the decisions I make this year to all come from a place of growth. Are you helping me to grow physically or emotionally? If not, then you can GET OUT!

My catch-phrase for the year is "ripped and rich 2013." Well, let's be real, rich in the literal sense is not going to happen foralongtimepossiblyever#regret. But that's fine, because I want to strive for wealth in every other facet of my life (cue groans from my father). I want to be rich in social interactions this year. Rich in love. Rich in friendship. And ripped is exactly what it is. I want to be ripped. I'm at the gym always.

My slogan for the year is the Boy Scout slogan: do a good turn daily. It's a fool-proof plan. Do something nice for somebody else every single day. For instance, yesterday I was humming while I was waiting for the train. To everyone who heard me, you're welcome. ;)

My mantra for the year is "only hot people sweat." This is something that is literally written on the mirror of my gym and I've taken it to heart. What it means, to me, is that I can't be afraid of the work it takes to get what I want. Too long have I gazed out yonder window stoically yearning and dreaming sans execution. This year I am not going to shy away from the journey. Results are achieved through hard work. So I'm gonna sweat it out this year, y'all. If I'm not sweating when you see me, ask me why. And I'd better have a good reason, else I'll have to have a long talk with me.

So, hopefully one of these things will stick this year. If not, then this time next year I'll get my cat man license, purchase 19 cats, a home in Queens and wait it out (death, that is). Stay comfy y'all!