The beach here in Rhode Island is absolutely beautiful! If you stand at the front door to my house, you can here the waves gently crashing in the distance. I've always been a mountain boy. I grew up swimming in rivers and hiking mountains (in addition to sitting on my ass and playing video games and eating Little Debbie cakes of course). The beach was always a far-off, exotic place for me. I craved it and got so excited every time I went. However, now that it's a three minute walk from where I live, I have to say that it's become a little donuts for dinner (sounds like a great idea at the time, but you regret it later). Here are some reasons why.
1) Sand - This is the most obvious beach nuisance. I always frolic to the beach and then remember that sand has the uncanny ability to ruthlessly invade all of your personal belongings without any regard for your comfort or sanity. The frustration is that if you go into the water to rinse off the sand, you have to walk back through the sand to get to your stuff and you end up even SANDIER!
2) Sun - I am a rare breed when it come to tanning and being tan. I don't like it at all. For some reason, I find pale skin to be incredibly attractive. And I don't like the way I look when I'm tan. It's unnatural or something. So I lather on the SPF 50. Sure, call me a loser now, but when I have flawless, wrinkle free skin at 50 we'll see who's laughing (or fighting melanoma).
3) Flowers - Sure, flowers sound like a great thing, right? Not the flowers that line Rhode Island beaches. My friend Emily tried to pick one of these beautiful, pink flowers to decorate her hair. She ended up bleeding. That's right, folks. The flowers in RI sport the most vicious thorns. Pretty to look at, evil to touch.
4) Sand Fleas - This is something that I knew nothing about. I was always under the impression that once you got to the beach you were safe from insects. NOT TRUE! They lurk in the sand waiting for unsuspecting victims. Enjoying the sun one moment, nursing mysterious welts the next.
5) People - Four years in Boston has taught me to hate people. I got rid of all of those annoying Southern obligations to wave, smile, say hello etc. I still hold doors for people, but that's about it. On the beaches here in small town Rhode Island, however, those obligatory niceties have crept back upon me. People are always looking at you with questioning eyes, waving, smiling, letting you pet their dogs, etc. It's disgusting. Where's the distrust I've grown so accustomed to?!
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