Tonight is the final night of a show that has been steering my life for the past year. It started as an idea that this stage manager of one of my shows pushed me to turn into an actual thing. And then I started doing a lot of brain storming. And then I mentioned it to someone in passing and they set a date for the show and scheduled a space. And having a deadline forced me to actually start creating things and fast forward a few months, I'm performing the show in New York City in one of New York's oldest, most amazing cabaret theaters. It's been a whirlwind experience to say the least. But I've realized something rather important through this process: doing shows in New York is FUCKING EXPENSIVE but you can't put a price on art. You can't put a price on my boyfriend's tears after the show or my own tears after reading a congratulatory email from my dad. Those things are priceless. Thanks American Express for stealing that idea.
I've actually had to completely restructure my view of money through this process. When I did this show in Colorado last summer, everyone handed everything to me on a silver platter. They gave me a space, my music director volunteered his time for free, the musicians were HAPPY to play for me for free. It was a dream come true! Or maybe it was just because the town I was in was so small there was nothing better to do. In any event, who cares!? I created something pretty awesome for free. And then I came to New York with an idea to do the same thing, but I realized very quickly that if I wanted it to be good, it wasn't going to be handed to me in the same way.
Needless to say, there are plenty of things to do in New York and people don't work for free very often. And rightfully so! New York is ridiculously expensive and getting more so every day. MTA fare hikes, I quit you. I'm surprised they don't charge you to breathe in this city. But I have come to the understanding that I have to view money as a liquid thing. A thing that will come into my life and go out of my life in regular intervals. I've always looked at money as a thing that I should be squirreling away and protecting with my life. And when I have that view of money, it pains me every time I swipe my card or put a pen to my checkbook. But now I see money as opportunity. I see money as classes, contacts, connections, friendships, shows etc. And when I look at money like that, I get a lot less stressed out. Some people work for free because they can, they want to, or they like you a lot and some people charge money for this reason or that and some people charge very little money because of several other reasons. In the end, it doesn't matter. More money doesn't equate to more talent, I mean, I could name several TV actors... Money is simply money and people have their prices. End of story. I didn't go into this business for money or because of money, so I'm learning to let it go. I write those thousands of dollars worth of checks away and I can still breathe. It's a learning experience, but I think it's an important one for every artist to go through. You can't put a price on art.
Stay comfy y'all!
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