The Comfy Corner

As I slowly creep into that amorphous phase of life known as adulthood, I am starting to develop an appreciation for the finer things in life. Fine wines and cheeses, high class restaurants, and five star hotels. This may sound like a good thing at first, but I am starting to find that it is actually kind of dangerous. Or, to put it more bluntly, expensive. I visited the Greenbrier Resort and Casino a little while ago. It is self-proclaimed to be "America's Resort" and it is nestled in the beautiful mountains of West Virginia. It features all of the luxuries you might find on a five star cruise ship such as gambling, fancy restaurants, a theatre, expensive shopping, and an infiniti pool, but it also features a huge golf course, horse back riding, and croquet lawns. The clientele at this resort are some of the snobbiest, hoitiest toitiest people I have ever met in my life. For instance, I was waiting to see my friend in the resort's show, "Rockin' the Fifties" and these two old ladies had gotten there way early. One of the ladies was going on a rant, "I don't know why they don't just open up the doors already. On the cruise ships we always get to the shows early because the bingo is happening and they take up all the good seats. Then you end up sitting behind a pole or something. It's already 8:01 and they said the doors would open at 8:00. This is ridiculous." To which the other lady responded, "I have 7:59. Maybe their time is wrong." This is the extent of the worries these people have. Yet somehow, I find myself attracted to this lifestyle. I kind of wish these were the things I worried about.

I gambled for the first time at this resort. I walked into the brightly lit, tackily decorated casino. And as I stood next to giant clam fountain and listened to the tink and beeps of the slot machines, a sort of rush came over me. I let myself drown in the chatter of rich rich people and I felt, if only for a moment, like James Bond in Casino Royale. I purchased a ten dollar Malibu and coke and sat myself down at a slot machine. My blood was rushing, my back straightened, I felt like a high roller at last! I pulled a crisp, five dollar bill out of my pocket and slipped it into the machine. Approximately two minutes later the money was all gone and I was done. That's about the time when the woman next to me started screaming and jumping up and down. She had just won 8,000 dollars!!! One of the ladies working at the casino waddled over smiling with a stack of 100 dollar bills and started placing them in her hands. I picked up my rum and coke, walked away dejectedly and decided that gambling wasn't for me. I decided that as much as I love the high life, I will not be living it for quite some time. Until then, I will content myself with happy hours and 50% off sales at the Gap. Ralph Lauren can wait.

Stay comfy ya'll.