The Comfy Corner

Alright comfy cornerers - now, those of you who know me know that I am a pretty patient, nice person, and it takes a great deal to really make me crack. The ladies at 27 last night crossed that line. Not only did they cross the line, they crossed two and a half hours of line (after closing time) and then they boxed up some line to go, and then they had 18 glasses of line and asked for refills of line after we had already shut down the line. I've tried to keep my posts funny and ironic, but this one is going to get ugly. Parental advisory - Prepare yourselves as I pay tribute to "the bitchy waiter." On the millionth chance that either of you ladies is reading this, take this as a hint and never come back.

Things I wanted to say to the ladies at 27:

1. This booth was made for normal sized people. You're both so fat that your entrees came with two sides of boobs.
2. No you can't have that six person booth just because you "have a lot of bags."
3. Yes, our small cravings appetizers are small, that's why they have small in the title.
4. The small cravings are clearly all too small for your fat asses so get a regular appetizer and stop making me describe the portion size of each one.
5. Don't make me stand around for 5 MINUTES while you finally decide you'd like "a Diet Coke" (Diet Pepsi better be fine, cause I'm not even gonna ask, cause I don't have another 5 minutes).
6. Too fucking bad your appetizer "didn't have enough avocado in it." It was probably for the best.
7. No I can't give you a half order of another appetizer for free, you ate the whole THING! You didn't even leave proof that anything was wrong with it!
8. No, we only allow guests to have a couple pieces of bread, not a couple loaves (Not exaggerating, wish I was).
9. Yes, the pastas are all good, fucking DECIDE ALREADY! I HAVE OTHER TABLES!! I DON'T WANNA HEAR ABOUT YOUR THEORIES AND EXPERIENCES WITH PESTO!!!
10. No, we don't do free desserts on birthdays (actually, yes we do, but you don't deserve a free dessert)
11. I don't care that PF Chang's does free desserts, we don't
12. I don't care why your other daughter wasn't able to make it or that she's in finals or that she doesn't like goat cheese or that she was in The Music Man or that she just saw American Idiot (p.s. you only "absolutely loved " American Idiot because you are both American idiots.)
13. Stop asking me for more bread!!!
14. We start charging for refills after number 8.
15. Don't call me over to hand me your empty plate, I'll get it without your prompting.
16. We closed 45 minutes ago ...IHAVESHITTODOANDIWANNAGOHOMESOLEAVE!
17. Have a terrible evening and never come back. You made me physically and mentally exhausted and tipped 10 percent. Just...go...die...
18. Oh yeah, and, your chain smoker voice was like a chainsaw to my eardrums. Stop smoking 7 packs a day.

Things I actually said to table 27:

1. What can I get for you ladies today?
2. Yes, of course.
3. Oh, happy birthday!
4. Have a lovely evening!