The Comfy Corner

The people who eat out can be categorized into relatively few stereotypes. Some are as follows:

The Silent Family- I see many families that come in and I feel so sorry for the kids because the parents order them waters with no ice and look sternly at them as they eat their plain cheese pizzas and they eat in silence. This is an awkward table to wait because you feel like you are intruding on some family feud or something. Perhaps it's a messy divorce or something but it always ends the same way: no dessert.

The Cool Dad- This is where my family fits in. My dad always felt the need to put on a show every time we went out to eat (he stills does this). He would joke with us kids and steal bites of our desserts and make terrible "dad jokes" every time the waiter came around. I now realize that there are many dads out there like this. They are bound and determined to show the world that they are hip, with it, and their kids love them.

The Invisible Waiter- This is the table that won't give you the time of day. Never once will they give you eye contact from start to finish. They are sometimes single diners on their cell phone the whole meal, or they are business men who simply cannot be bothered. They already know what they want to eat, if you go up to ask them if they want dessert, they will not stop talking to each other and pretend you aren't standing there. When you feebly attempt to manage a "have a nice day" as you drop off the check, they don't hear you and continue with their lives not ever knowing that you existed.

The Foreigners- They don't speak English, you resort to sign language, they order something safe like spaghetti, and they don't tip.

The Rich Who Don't Tip- This is really a sad case. These are the people who have never worked a day in the service industry and would never stoop so low as to even consider doing so. They don't understand that waiters have multiple tables to attend to, they get confused when you say things like "the egg rolls are pre-made at the beginning of the day so we can't take out the bacon." And then after being really picky, needy and overly judgmental, they tip poorly. Sometimes they'll even say something like "This is a far cry from the restaurant at the W."

The Poor Who Tip Really Well- These are my favorite. These are the waiters who eat out. These are the people who work their asses off in the service industry for very little pay. They understand your life particularly well. They forgive any mistakes you make. They joke with you about other difficult customers and they tip well even if you kinda sucked. This is the category where I fit in.

The Indecisive- This is Table 27.

The Overly Chatty- The really nice table that thinks you want to know everything about their lives. I had a woman once who literally said to me "I am going to tell you why I like eating the crust of my bread and you are going to stand there and listen." It was frustrating. It wasn't a good story ("I had sensitive teeth as a kid and I was never allowed to eat my crust.") but she was nice. These are often very cute, very old people.