3/01/2011

Jesus Won't Help You Now!

Posted by Unknown |

I'm currently in this dance class that is quite frankly kicking my ass. The teacher is this small, beautiful, amazing dancer that can win you over with her sweet voice but can also turn your heart to ice at the same time, ya know? Kinda like Professor Umbridge... only skinnier and not evil. On the first day of class, she informed us that we were probably going to cry at some point. And any time someone says "Jesus Christ" while we are doing abs or intense stretches, she just responds "Jesus won't help you now!"


Anyway, for the past two days in class we have been learning lifts. I have discovered that there is no better way to make everyone uncomfortable in a class than by saying, "Today, we're gonna work on lifts!" Immediately, all of the girls in the class started to become uber-self-conscious about their weight. And all the guys in the class started to become uber-self-conscious about their strength. And I ran to my backpack to grab my deodorant. It's just not a fair situation to be thrown into so suddenly! And then it got obnoxious. The straight guys got all defensively masculine about how sore they were from all the bench pressing they had done. And the skinny guys (like myself) strugged it out in the back of the room. I think I pulled a tricep. I didn't even know you can do that.

Midway through our struggles, my partner, Sara, turns to the teacher and says "Is it possible that we just aren't strong enough to do this?" And she tries to convince us that it isn't about strength or weight at all, it's about momentum. And with that she demonstrated with me and practically knocked me over. She raised her eyebrows and said, "You've gotta be a stronger base." Moral of the story? In shows, lifts are lovely and fun. But, we should avoid lifts in dance class. It makes no one feel good about themselves.

Hello comfies. Is it truly a woman's destiny to be a man's... (dot, dot, dot) "Sarah Jessica Parker." That's what she would say. Not me, though, cause I'm not her.


What is it about people saying "Hey" there's wine. "I think that life before the internet was different." And you, and your wine says "Yeah, that was times before these." I mean, what? Like, who does that? Like who actually sits there and says that? "They did that. Like, they did that."

In any event, it seems that modern technos are suitably satiating our scrumptious sunscreens. Like they say, a little reading every day keeps us all literate.

I'm torn between two worlds now of sense and non and I think that I could become a better soo chef if I tried. If only the world were a kitchen of cooks and I was the soo chef. It's like jjug a jus. I;m jug a jug the homie.

If nothing else, this has personality. The clever thing about actors is that they can "act" like they love someone and the pretending is like a real thing! You live other people's lives! Hally met Sarah time. Later dudez, stay so so so comfy. If I could share my hole in the snow with you, I would but there is just not enough wine. Enjoy the comfiness.