The Comfy Corner

Last week I was waiting tables when a woman stopped me by grabbing my arm and asked me (in the most stereotypical way imaginable), "You ain't from 'round here are ya?" I responded in my usual way, "No mam, I'm not. I live in New York." She then smiled a toothy smile and knowingly replied, "Yeah, I could tell by your pants that you've never stepped off a sidewalk before." To which she slapped me on the back in that joking Southwestern way and I politely laughed and then walked away in that state of confusion where you are trying to decipher whether or not you should be offended. I don't feel particularly "New York." I've only lived there like four months. I was just wearing dress pants. Yeah, they were skinny and fit me well, but I didn't think they particularly screamed, "I've never left a sidewalk!"

So several days later, after digesting this comment and analyzing it, I have decided that yes, I am indeed offended. I'm from North Carolina. I'm a Southern boy at heart. I spent the first 19 years of my life not caring what I was wearing just like the rest of the people here in Colorado. Hell, I was practically born in a pair of cargo pants! And I'm an Eagle scout. I've probably walked more miles on trails than I have on sidewalks. And I've probably canoed more miles on rivers than this woman ever will in her life.

So, yeah. I've changed a lot on the outside since I left the South. My clothes fit a little better, I own more than one pair of shoes, I moisturize with Mary Kay facial products, but deep down I've still got grit under my nails, I can tie a clove hitch double half hitch no problem, and I've still got a pair of waterproof camo pants in my North Carolina closet (where they will remain until I'm in the wilderness). I may have a taste for fine wine, but I can also drink Tang and eat corned beef hash with the rest of these Coloradans.  So sidewalks be damned, New York City, you will never take that away from me. Stay comfy y'all.

I was reading a book the other day entitled, "How to Be a Gentleman" and I learned a lot of really useful tips about etiquette including, "When you get up to leave a dinner table for the restroom, always fold your napkin and leave it sitting in your chair. If the waiter moves your napkin to the table while you are gone, he is in the wrong, not you." This is one of those little things that I'm pretty sure will stick with me for the rest of my life for no real apparent reason. Here are some others from my past.

1) Always dry your hair first when you exit the shower (Fatherly advice from long ago)

2) Taking a shower is equivalent to two hours of sleep (Men's Health)

3) To clean your house is to clean your soul (Japanese wisdom from Yurie)

3) Never be the one to make a ripple in the pond (Japanese wisdom from Mary Roach)

4) To be an expert at anything, you must put in 10,000 hours of practice (My "wife" Vanessa)

5) Never leave the house without a positive mental attitude (Personal philosophy)

6) K. I. S. S. (Keep it simple stupid, Odyssey of the Mind philosophy)

7) It is more difficult for bacteria to grow in an unmade bed than a made one (HGTV perhaps? reason to not make my bed)

8) If you roll your clothes you can fit more in your suitcase (Boy Scout handbook)

9) NEVER WEAR WHITE SOCKS WITH BLACK SHOES (My pregnant sister)

10) Always match your tie to your socks (My classy boyfriend who is ALWAYS a gentleman)

So, I've recently been stressing a lot about what kind of clothes I should be wearing. Clothes are a big part of one's personality and I feel like I have somehow never really developed a sense of style. I like wearing black so my style has pretty much consisted of a pair of jeans and a plain black t-shirt. That usually makes me pretty happy. But recently, I've felt this thirst to go beyond the black and venture into the world of patterns and colors. And I was doing pretty well! I spend a couple hundred dollars at every poor, gay man's two favorite stores H&M and Forever XXI. And I got some cool plaid shirts, nice pants, a sensible cardigan, I even got a hat! And I've felt so comfortable wearing these clothes until tonight when my nephew looks at me and says, "You need a new pair of shorts!" I look down at my just-above-the-knee, fitted shorts and say, "Why?" He says, "Those are WAY to small." I look at his sagging cargo shorts that are mid-shin and say, "Well, at least I'm not wearing capris! Pull your pants up and get a belt." I showed that 12-year-old.

But in all seriousness, fashion in the South is way different than it is in the North. The clothes I feel comfortable in up there, I feel silly in down here. I suppose that is why I am still hanging on to my few pairs of cargo shorts that my boyfriend hates so much (Kevin, okay, you're right, cargo shorts are over but I need them for when I visit the South so I don't get hate crime'd!). Then at dinner my sister is like, "Ugh, those plaid shorts you were wearing the other day with that striped shirt. Awful." I looked at her and said, "Mixing patterns is in, don't you know?!" It's true, I read it in the news somewhere. Who is she to tell me that I can't mix patterns!?! As she sits there with her purple feather earrings. Pshaw! So here is a message to the South: It is okay to wear clothes that fit, it is NOT okay to wear cargo shorts, and if done tastefully mixing patterns is FINE! I will wear my Northern clothes with pride and family, stop harassing me about my clothing choices.

It seems to me that all the frowns get turned upside down in more than ways than one once the cold weather hits Boston. In the summer time in Boston it is not uncommon to see lots of beautiful people (including beautiful shirtless men running around the park with their little puppies, yes please) and families milling about enjoying the sunny weather and laughing whilst eating candy apples and sipping cranberry spritzers. But once that cold breeze descends upon the city and the sun hides it's bright face behind dark rain clouds, everything takes a turn for the worst. Especially - fashion.

In the summertime, people seem to make a point to shop for nice clothes and find things that are bright and interesting looking to wear. I saw a lot of cute skirts, nice shorts, brightly colored tanks, fancy sunglasses, fashionable flip flops, sporty running shoes etc. But the microsecond winter breathes its icy breath upon the city, everyone goes "fuck it" and they pull out whatever it takes to keep them warm no matter how ugly it is or how many fasion faux pas they are committing.

Luckily, there seems to me a mutual understanding among the citizens of Boston that no one needs to look good in the winter time. So I fully commit to this fashion philosophy and I throw on my most bland clothing every day of the week so that I can just keep the wind from touching my sensitive, Asian skin. I even have this crazy hood that covers my entire face except for my eyes. And I don't hesitate a minute putting it on. So, in the end, I think it's a good thing that fashion takes a turn for the worst, but it makes people-watching a lot less interesting. And that, I believe, is why I am ready to graduate.