The Comfy Corner

The reasoning behind this title: nothing more than I just wanted to talk about Twitter but didn't wanna title the post "Twitter." I suppose it stems from my self imposed need to be creative. Or perhaps my ridiculous obsession with plays on words (old man humor is my forte).

I love/hate Hipstamatic for iPhones...or everyone with an iPhone in general. I don't know what it is about the filtered, old timey nature of the hipstamatic for iPhone photos, but they makes me angry. Slash I love them because they make me look really cool. Maybe it's jealousy. Maybe it's a loathing for anything that could be considered a fad. Maybe it's the fact that it's called "Hipstamatic" and I just loathe everything that is hipsta. But when I browse Facebook and find entire albums of Hipstamatic photos, I get upset.

So, generally I don't respond well to changes in my cyber world. For instance, when Facebook got rid of the "See All Comments" button on photo albums, I almost had to sign up for rehab. And when Gmail completely changed its formatting, for about a month I clicked "contacts" every time I wanted to compose an email. I wanted to personally go to Google and strangle someone. But the newest addition to Facebook has fallen upon me with general agreement (and secret sheer joy).

There is a new button that allows you to see your entire history with the person you are stalking. This is actually an incredible feature. It reminds me of that moment in "Devil Wears Prada" where what's-her-face whispers into Meryl Streep's ear everything she needs to know about the person she is talking to. So all of my skeptical, republican change-hating comfy cornerers out there are probably wondering, "What's so great about it?" Well, I'll tell you!

I can now with the simple click of a button access an entirely new profile involving me (and, let's be realz, there is nothing I like more than gazing fondly at my own profile). It is complete with a random fun photo of me and the said person I am stalking (let's call him Henry, because no one knows anyone named Henry). And if there isn't a photo of me and Henry then it gives me a fun friendship goal ("Hey Henry! We should totes get drinks or something, because we don't have a single photo together! lolz"). Also, I can see what interests Henry and I share, the bands, the foods, the TV shows, I can quickly flit through all of the messages Henry and I have sent each other, I can track all of the photos we've been in together - essentially I can judge the quality of my friendship with Henry on this new feature! It's lovely. Thanks Facebook for renewing my faith in change. No thanks, Obama.

I often find myself staring blankly at my Facebook profile trying to think of the perfect way to describe my current mood or situation. The problem is this: usually I update my status when I find myself with some time to kill. And when I have time to kill, I am not really doing anything, so my status when searching for a status is typically "searching for a status." But I can't put that down, so I have to come up with some sort of clever anecdote or phrase to put out there. It's a bigger deal than it should be for me because my status on Facebook is posted right there beside my name and my picture. So every status I choose is out there for a world of people to make judgments on me. Also, I face the problem of negotiating statuses between social networking sites. Here is my basic rule of thumb...

1) Facebook - status can be fairly insignificant but must have some sort of clever twist. "Just went grocery shopping and the hottie at the register gave me his number." or something like that. It's gotta have an angle, if only a small one.

2) Twitter - Must be significant. Must be clever. Must evoke some sort of catharsis from the reader. Must provide some sort of insight on life. "'Hahah' = I genuinely think what you said is funny / 'Hahaha' = I'm just placating you" (compliments of JDuboff)

3) Gchat status - should be a big, overarching status that sums up your life situation at the moment "Tis the year of bowls, booze and Broadway"

So I am not one that deals with changes very well. Of course, I get used to them and then don't remember what my life was like before them but whatever, it's still very disorienting when major things in my life change. For instance, Itunes recently changed its icon on my desktop...that threw me for a loop. And Gmail recently made some format changes and now I always click on the wrong buttons thinking they are the ones that used to be there. Finally, Facebook is always changing and this has caused me some real stress of late.

I liked the format where you could see all of the events you were invited to on one page, but now the events are all listed in one tiny little box on the edge of the screen and I forget that they are there. So last night I had some extra time to kill on Facebook, and I realized that I had a large number of events that I hadn't reconciled. So I had to go through every single one and select attending, not or maybe. This was an unreasonably stressful time for me. Especially since many of the events were for things like breast cancer, or mission trips, or gay rights, things that I want to support but can't, don't have the time, or I'm too lazy or poor! So here is what I normally do:

1) If it's not applicable to me at all, I click not attending and call it a day.
2) If it's not applicable to me but it's for a good cause, but I know I can't go, I'll click maybe attending.
3) If it's applicable to me, but I can't go and I know it's a good cause, I'll click not attending and write on the wall why I can't attend.
4) Sometimes, though, if it's for something that I could potentially attend, but I don't want to go because I'm lazy, but I should go because it's for cancer or something, I'll just click Attending and not go...

This last one fills me with so much guilt. STOP MAKING ME GUILTY FACEBOOK!

Facebook. Is it really changing our lives? You can say that we don't know how to communicate anymore. You can say that friendships don't mean as much anymore. You can even say that Facebook is making us badder at grammer. But I say that I've been changed for the better. Because I knew you, Facebook, I have been changed for good. I met a French guy at a party once who called Facebook "Book Face." Chris found this hilarious and he wanted to make a note of it in his BlackBerry but, in his drunken stupor, put it in as "Booj Face." That story is just the first example of many in which our lives have been changed by the "Booj Face."

1) We use the term stalker in our everyday speech, a term that used to hold so much dark, heavy connotations has now turned into "Hey, I heard you went shopping yesterday!" "OMG! Stalker!"

2) We no longer care whether or not pictures are on our camera as long as they are on somebody's camera because we know it'll be on Facebook by the end of the day. "Hey lemme borrow your camera for a sec." As if you actually wanted make out pictures of Bill and Sarah on your camera.

3) The word "tag" is probably used 1,000,000 more times a day than it was before Facebook. Before, it was only used on the school play ground and at yard sales. Now it's used in the bar, at parties, practically EVERYWHERE! "Lol, do NOT tag me in that. I will absolutely kill you."

4) One of the best parts of having a birthday is getting a million messages on your profile. It's like you are Facebook queen or king for the day "78 Notifications" :)

5) The word poke now has weird connotations. People now say things like "I'd totally tap that. haha. jk jk. I wouldn't even poke it on Facebook."

Chris: I would break my back for you

4:47pm

Me: I would stab my eyes out for you.

4:48pm

Chris: that's so hott

4:48pm

Me: that's love

I am often disconcerted by the ads that Facebook targets at me. They make me feel like a very two-dimensional person. Like, just because I like to listen to Britney Spears on occasion doesn't mean I want to see some other two-bit pop star in concert. And just because I'm gay doesn't mean I wanna meet hot single men in the Boston area "now." Most of the time, though, I am able to look past them and focus on the things that really matter on Facebook (like whose wall-to-wall is the most outrageous, who posted some fun drunk pics, who likes my status etc.) This particular ad, however, baffled me then and continues to baffle me now. I didn't click it for fear of what I would find on the other side... but what in my interest category made Facebook decide that this would be a great ad to throw my way?


No, Facebook, I don't "like." In fact, I dislike with utter confusion and discomfort. Nothing about this makes sense. What is a Morphsuit? Why is it wearing headphones and glasses? What's with the weird quote and the strangely punctuated ". Tom, Poole."? Why did they feel the need to tell me that "it's true" as if I thought anything about this ad was false? I don't plan on getting my Morphsuit today, or ever for that matter, so stop it Facebook.

Me: I'd like to unpack your bags...

Beth: be my guest! ;)

Me: oh baby. I didn't know your luggage would be so quick to arrive.

Beth: oh no, you're wrong, i'm never quick

Me: oh, am I gonna have to file a missing baggage report and have you mailed to me?

Beth: that might be best... even though it's not the speediest delivery, it's always the best quality

Me: alright. wow...I should stop. Your half of the metaphor is much sexier than mine.I was gonna be like "gah, I knew I should've either split you into two bags or just taken some weight off of you and brought you as carry-on"

1. When I'm yelling and I mess up what I'm saying (I'm actually a proud member of the Facebook page :))

2. When I wanna put an emoticon in a parenthetical statement and it comes out really awkward (as shown above :() Yikes, even worse.

3. When I do something funny but only one person sees it or hears it and they insist that I do it again for everyone else and then after a whole minute of "No, it was a one time thing. I don't wanna. Now, everyone's looking." I finally do it and they're like, "No, that wasn't it." and then I feel like an asshole.

4. When I have to frantically flip through all of my windows and tabs to find out where the music is coming from.

5. When my brain gets overloaded and I do stupid stuff like carry a tray of drinks into the men's bathroom (only did that once, btw.)

6. When I wanna stalk someone on FB but we have no mutual friends and I have no reason to friend them.

7. When people remember my name but I don't remember theirs

8. When people tag me in photos when I'm in the background alone. Or worse, if I'm looking in on the action longingly.

9. When people stop texting in the middle of a convo.

10. The fact that sarcasm is not easily conveyed in text messages. Thanks god for emoticons.

As I was doing my usual once over on my news feed, I saw something new; a sneaky addition to Facebook that was thrown in without any warning (I can picture the Snidely Whiplash-esque Facebook people all sitting in their dark rooms laughing maniacally and tapping their fingers together like crazy people as they make their little changes). You can now "like" people's comments. Basically, this new function is just making the whole stalking process quicker and easier for me. No longer do I have to take the time out of my busy schedule to type "I like Susan's comment...lol." I can simply go to Susan's comment, press the like button and go back to scrolling through my news feed.

The danger? Once you like anything on Facebook, Facebook automatically assumes that you want to be updated on what everyone else has to say about it as well. Sometimes, I must admit that I secretly really enjoy getting updates on everything. My inbox quickly fills with messages making me feel extra popular and I am basically thrown into a Facebook mini drama. I get all the gory details on what everyone thought of Catherine Zeta Jones' performance at the Tony's or what people think about Susan's drunk photo with Zach (drrama!). But, other times I really don't wanna know what everyone thinks about the humidity in New York, so I muster up all the restraint I can, and I refrain from pressing that devilishly easy to click like button.

I wonder how many times a day people comment "wish there was a dislike button" and "wish there was a love button" on the FB. You all know that if Facebook granted this wish, you'd all get your panties in a wad and start complaining about how much easier it was with just a like button. One, they'd have to sort it out (1 person likes this, 4 people love this, 2 people dislike this). I can already picture the drrrama. It would be like the animal scene from Mean Girls. And two, who knows what these kinds of changes could mean for our future (2 people are indifferent about this, 6 people don't know what to say, 3 people think this is "crzay driz, bitches")? Let's just just stick with the like button and our comments (for now). Our cyber lives are already "crzay" enough.

I suppose it's time to fess up and admit that I was incredibly high when I decided starting a blog would be an excellent idea, hence the name comfy corner - because when I'm high I love soft things and comfortable corners. I suppose our best ideas come when our minds are set free by the powers of recreational anesthesia. Unfortunately, the name comfycorner.blogspot.com was ALREADY TAKEN! Witness the screenshot above or take a visit for yourself. You will quickly notice that the blog is anything but comfortable - the bright pinks are harsh on the eyes and the layout choice has much to be desired. You will then notice that no posts have been made by "Madeline." I viewed her complete profile and I quickly noted that I was the first one to ever view it. BAH! She's not even popular! She probably has like 57 friends on Facebook (the days of number-of-friends competitions have long passed haven't they? We've come a long way, yes we have) No doubt some 11 year old girl out there who doesn't even know how to make a blog decided it would be fun to just mess around and see what it was like, not knowing that someone with an actual, creative idea would come by 5 years later wanting to use the same domain name. Madeline, I hope you are reading this, I want you to go to Olive Garden and eat bread sticks until you explode.

So, there I was, high as a kite with a brilliant idea but no domain name. Other combinations such as comfycorner2010 or comfycornerbychang simply wouldn't do. I would have to come up with something even more creative. So I went to Facebook - my go to for inspiration. And I was casually checking my profile to see how I was doing and I realized (with horror) that no one had liked one of my clever statuses. So I sat eagerly by the computer and said "Like my status!" which is when I suddenly realized that Facebook allows you to like your own status. I had never noticed this before. So like Snidely Whiplash, I grinned, looked around with mischievous eyes, and I clicked the "like" button. I liked my own status, I usually do. Then, it dawned on me that I had found my domain name. And that, children, is how likemystatus.blogspot.com came to be.