The Comfy Corner

I've been gettin' a real kick lately at the number of people who have all sorts of quality advice about my career. What I've discovered is that everyone is apparently an expert in every field! I didn't know that until recently, but dang, what a discovery! For instance, I was talking to a gentleman recently who once took an acting class. He informed me that what I need to do is go see shows that have roles in them that I could potentially play. This was a real breakthrough for me. He suggested I go see Jersey Boys because... that show has guys in it! And then he had a light bulb moment which was quite exciting for both of us. He said, "Have you considered being in Book of Mormon?" That hadn't crossed my mind! But now I think I'll go sign up to be in it. Cause, gollygee, it sure sounds like an awful lot of fun.

My favorite, however, is the people who come up to my room mate and me and say things like, "You know what you should do? You should get an agent!" or "Have you considered looking into getting an agent?" This is just solid advice. I'll run on down to the agent store and find one I like!

Lastly, I was really inspired by whoever wrote the recent Backstage article about auditioning holding rooms. She warned me that when I get to an audition there could be "ten other people waiting to audition." She also let me know that if the day is really busy I might have to wait "up to an hour." Garsh, that sounds like a tough situation! Thanks for the warning.

Stay comfy y'all.

Tis the season for holiday parties! They are large gatherings of random groups of people brought together for the sole purpose of eating lots of sugar, drinking lots of alcohol, and wearing sweaters. The connecting theme between all of the parties that I have been to this season? There seems to always be one person at the party that no one likes. It isn't the kind of thing that you're forewarned about either. It starts off so innocently, "Oh Clark's girlfriend is coming too. It'll be fun." And then you get to the party and realize very quickly that Clark's girlfriend is a constant-talker-no-listener and no one really likes her (except Clark, and he's cool, so everyone is also like, "Clark could do much better"). And you are condemned to hours of Clark's girlfriend and forget to actually enjoy the party. Finally, Clark and his girlfriend leave (or worse, Clark's girlfriend gets too drunk and winds up on the floor passed out) and there is a breath of silence before someone quietly pipes up with something like, "Clark's girlfriend is... animated."

All we want from a holiday party is a little Christmas cheer, some good friends, and perhaps a comfy corner by the fire, right? So why must we be subjected to these holiday Grinches that make everything uncomfy?! It should be a universal law that at holiday parties everyone must put aside their bad habits and poor social skills and pretend to be a human for the sake of the people that want to enjoy the festivities. So to all of the "Clark's girlfriend"s out there I have this to say; don't get so drunk you pass out on the rug, don't sleep on the couch while everyone else helps with the dishes, don't just talk constantly about yourself and your achievements, and don't make people uncomfortable by prying into the intimate details of their personal lives ("So like, how's the sex in your relationship these days.") Not cool.

Happy holidays, ya'll! Stay the comfiest this season.

Have I posted this before? Does it have the exact same title and is about the exact same subject? Probably, but it deserves a reposting because people who go out to eat at restaurants are oftentimes absolute morons. A guy this evening walks in, sits down, and does not open his menu. Assuming he has been here before and already knows what he wants I approach him to take his order. He looks at me directly and says, "I want a steak."

"I'm sorry, sir, we don't have steak."

*baffled expression of disbelief*

"You don't have steak???"

"No sir. We have steak tacos..."

"No, that's not what I want. I want steak." He puts his hands in the shape of a steak to inform me of what a steak looks like.

"We don't have steak."

"Well, what DO you have??"

I took what little patience I had left, balled it up in a big ball, reached down, opened his menu gently and said as if talking to a small child, "We have the items that are here in our menu." More baffled expressions from him. "Mostly pizzas, pastas, and salads."

"Oh, well I'll have to go somewhere else, then."

Have a great day sir, go die, and learn how to read a menu. Bye.

1) I only buy magazines with shirtless men on the cover - I read something about magazine editors putting shirtless men on covers to sell more copies and I thought, "That's silly, who is that easily swayed?" But then I realized, I am. Whoopsies.

2) I hate when people dance and sing to themselves on the subway... but I do it too - I was watching this guy just jamming to his iPod on the subway and I thought, "How silly, sir! No one else can hear the music you are listening to!" But then I caught myself doing the same thing a day later. Sometimes you just gotta dance.

3) I hate the phrase, "We're a really crazy bunch here" - When people say this about their work environment I metaphorically roll my eyes because crazy groups of people don't talk about how crazy and cool they are... they're just crazy and cool without talking about it. If you have to talk about it, chances are, you're a pretty normal bunch. Not to mention, I don't like the word, "bunch."

4) To me, acting is living, but to others, acting is just facial expressions - I realized that when people don't know a lot about theatre or acting and they are trying to compliment your performance they'll say things like, "You have a really expressive face" or "You make the best expressions."

5) No matter what city you're in, small Asian women will push you to the ground before letting you get on the subway before them - these small Asian women are a crazy bunch (and they don't talk about it).

Alrighty, so we've reached July. It's that magical moment that signifies half a year gone. We all have found ourselves smack dab in between New Year's Day and New Year's Eve. To celebrate, I'd like to go on a miniature rant about charm. Related vocabulary? Small talk, schmoozing, winning over, fake laughter, and "bink." Bink is a term my friend Kevin uses whenever he turns on the charm. He says "bink" in a high pitched voice and puts the back of his hand on his cheek and smiles the most charming smile I've ever seen. He could get away with murder with bink. So damn charming and so damn useful.

I have three pet peeves that must be addressed. Two of them came up at the same incident.

1) I hate it when restaurants lead you to believe they have something, but they actually don't - This morning I visited a small breakfast place in Cambridge called "The Biscuit." I was excited to visit for two reasons: 1. I love biscuits and the title of the restaurant would suggest that had a good one and 2. it seemed like a really popular place because people were lined up out the door. When I got inside, however, I didn't see anything on the menu that even looked breakfast related. So when I (finally) got to the register I asked the woman, "Do you have any biscuits or breakfast-related foods?" And she blankly replied that they have what's on the menu and what's on display (duh.) Then she followed that with, "The closest thing we have to a biscuit is our scones." Girl, please. I'm from the South, I used to make buttermilk biscuits for fun, you can't tell me any scone is going to go around disguised as a biscuit. I will not be returning to "The Biscuit" which should be named "The Scone."

2) I hate it when people feel entitled to do rude things - At "The Biscuit" this woman decided to squeeze her stroller right in front of us in the line, blatantly cutting. Chris and I looked at each other confused. Then she started shaking her head and complaining TO US about how busy it was. Then, a different woman was working at her computer and she looked disapprovingly at the open door and said to me (and I didn't even open the door), "Would you close that door?" with a 'tude as if I was the doorman or something! I'm sorry lady, but if you want something done, get up and do it yourself. And it was a perfectly beautiful, legitimate day to have the door open. Some people...

3) I hate it when people make me feel stupid, when they are actually the stupid ones - I was at a parking garage recently and I asked the guy at the counter what the monthly rates were and he said there was a sign around the corner. I responded "Great, I have another question for you..." but he cut me off and said "I said, it's around the corner." I said, "I know, thanks, but I wanted to ask..." Then he got frustrated and came around and pointed more directly to where the sign was. I lost it, it had been a rough day to begin with, so I walked over to the sign, put my finger on it and said, "I KNOW! I SEE THE SIGN! I HAVE A DIFFERENT QUESTION FOR YOU!" Again, some people.