The Comfy Corner

You always read about internet scams but you never expect to become a part of one. I recently fell victim to one of these fraudulent hooplas in the most unexpected of ways...

I was purchasing my "Shakespeare Glossary" by C.T. Onions on Amazon, the book that my professor LaFeber (He's got La "Feber") said I will undoubtedly use for the rest of my life. I was quite excited to receive this book (I love glossaries! It's like one big organized list!). I sat on the stoop for weeks just waiting for the UPS man to arrive (at least, that's how I remember it). But, when I finally tore open the packaging and flipped through the pages I was greeted with utter confusion of numbers and weirdly worded phrases.

I immediately got discouraged by the book thinking that it was just some highly academic enigma that would take me years of training to understand. But, the other day in class, Anthony brought out the same copy of the book and said it was an internet scam that was made by some computer-robot scanning machine or something. When I got home I took a closer look at some of the definitions. Here are some examples from one random page in this large book of gems:

1) Music - NATUBE hares habituatlly pass, or run, when hunted, for relief

2) Minnock -(?)onewhoapesorfoolsabout MND. HI. ii. 19

3) M. isg'overnm (S.): fig. evil conduct

And my favorite:

4) m, isplace (not pre-S. in any sense): to use words in a wrong place

I know Shakespeare is likeaforeignlanguage, but com,e on: (?)

So, as promised, I got the picture. Does this make me a super duper creeper? Probably. She came back to the restaurant (she's starting to become something of a regular, probably because she likes me so much) and I finally built up the courage to ask for a pic. :) I gave her a discount in return. I also got her email (creeper...)...

It was an eventful evening! Everyone was all atwitter over the fact that Elphaba was eating there (most of our business comes from the theatre). I also got my first "call-me" message with a bill. There was a family sitting right across from Elphaba. The son was a cute, clearly-gay boy, who was giving me eyes every time I went to the table. Sure enough, when I picked up the bill he left his name and number on a napkin and wrote "Call me :)" Pretty gutsy to do that when your family is sitting there. I won't call you Kyle, because I'm taken, but I'm flattered. :)

I'm a bit of a crazy person when it comes to meeting celebrities. In my mind, I always picture myself coolly walking up to them and striking up a really casual/intellectual conversation about their work or whatever, but it usually ends up with me saying something really weird and unrelated like "You have great legs!"

This is all to preface a celebrity run-in I had the other day at work. I went up to the host stand and the host was like "The witch from Wicked is here somewhere!" I started jumping up and down like the birds of paradise or something. The hit Broadway musical, Wicked (The Untold Story of the Witches of Oz), is making a two month residency in Boston and everyone at work knows that I'm kind of obsessive and crazy about everything musical-related, so they all got really excited for me, but I couldn't seem to find her anywhere. I resorted to the fact that she probably just got take-out or something (Elphaba has a busy life after all!). But then, all my dreams came true.

I walked up to my next table and sure enough, there she was, green paint skirting the edges of her faces and black fingernails. My heart skipped several beats and I was like "So...you're in Wicked?" (DUH!!!). She was like, "Uh, yeah." And then I turned into a bumbling idiot saying things like "I've seen Wicked like four times and you're the best Elphaba ever!" I kept unnecessarily refilling her water, joining in on their conversation ("Yeah, what crazy weather! So randomly cold, OMG!") and when she left I slipped in a cutsie little, "Break a leg!" just to show off my theatre-saviness.

I had heard rumors that she wasn't a very nice person, but I'll be the first to say that she was very nice (putting up with all my weirdness ) and she tipped well. She did have crazy eyes...but I guess anyone would if they had to belt high G's suspended 30 feet in the air 8 times a week. My only regret is that I didn't get a picture with her to share with all of you. I might make that my project for the next month. Stay tuned for that one. :)

The best part about being a minority is that you are free and able to make jokes about the particular minority you belong to without having to look around first. For instance, I feel perfectly comfortable going up to tables at work and saying (In all seriousness) "Did you order the dumpring?" Or, if I make a bad driving move, I just blame it on my Asian-ness. Or if I figure out how to make the CD player switch to the auxiliary in class, I just say, "This is why every class needs an Asian." In general, I pull out the Asian jokes as often as I can. This is also why I can post pictures like this and make fun of the Boston Asians.


I literally snapped this pic 10 minutes ago as I was thinking to myself, "Wow, every Asian in the Chinatown/New England Medical Center area of Boston is carrying a pink bag." And then, sure enough, one passed by. Right after this guy passed by, I saw three or four Asian ladies with shopping carts filled with these pink bags. Apparently, they all shop at the same grocery store. Perhaps, I need to stop shopping at Trader Joe's?

The moral of the story is this - I'm usually down for any sort of Asian joke unless it becomes malicious. For instance, there was a guy in the show I was just in that point blank said to me, "It's so funny with you Asians, cause you never can tell how old you are." I was actually offended by both the comment and the smell (he smelled really bad). But that was followed by a perfectly harmless joke from another man that didn't smell bad at all, "What happens when you spin an Oriental around three times? He gets disoriented." Puns are okay, I suppose. Just avoid calling me Ching-Chang-Chong and we'll get along fine.

I have three pet peeves that must be addressed. Two of them came up at the same incident.

1) I hate it when restaurants lead you to believe they have something, but they actually don't - This morning I visited a small breakfast place in Cambridge called "The Biscuit." I was excited to visit for two reasons: 1. I love biscuits and the title of the restaurant would suggest that had a good one and 2. it seemed like a really popular place because people were lined up out the door. When I got inside, however, I didn't see anything on the menu that even looked breakfast related. So when I (finally) got to the register I asked the woman, "Do you have any biscuits or breakfast-related foods?" And she blankly replied that they have what's on the menu and what's on display (duh.) Then she followed that with, "The closest thing we have to a biscuit is our scones." Girl, please. I'm from the South, I used to make buttermilk biscuits for fun, you can't tell me any scone is going to go around disguised as a biscuit. I will not be returning to "The Biscuit" which should be named "The Scone."

2) I hate it when people feel entitled to do rude things - At "The Biscuit" this woman decided to squeeze her stroller right in front of us in the line, blatantly cutting. Chris and I looked at each other confused. Then she started shaking her head and complaining TO US about how busy it was. Then, a different woman was working at her computer and she looked disapprovingly at the open door and said to me (and I didn't even open the door), "Would you close that door?" with a 'tude as if I was the doorman or something! I'm sorry lady, but if you want something done, get up and do it yourself. And it was a perfectly beautiful, legitimate day to have the door open. Some people...

3) I hate it when people make me feel stupid, when they are actually the stupid ones - I was at a parking garage recently and I asked the guy at the counter what the monthly rates were and he said there was a sign around the corner. I responded "Great, I have another question for you..." but he cut me off and said "I said, it's around the corner." I said, "I know, thanks, but I wanted to ask..." Then he got frustrated and came around and pointed more directly to where the sign was. I lost it, it had been a rough day to begin with, so I walked over to the sign, put my finger on it and said, "I KNOW! I SEE THE SIGN! I HAVE A DIFFERENT QUESTION FOR YOU!" Again, some people.

I have a bit of a confession to make. I used to pride myself on leading a very healthy lifestyle. I stayed away from caffeine, I got eight hours of sleep every night, I cleaned my room semi-regularly, I would go on random little diets just to test my will power (no bread this month!, No Artificial Sugars for a week!) etc. This summer, however, has proved to turn all of those things upside down. Perhaps being in a relationship has brought out some innate laziness or something, but I have been to the grocery store once this summer (!). The rest of my food was either bought in restaurants, at fast food places or I just ate my employee meal at work (and let's just say - I don't work at the healthiest restaurant).

To add to the unhealthiness, I started to make a habit of getting breakfast at Starbucks every morning, to the point where I no longer have to pay for my venti (that's right, venti), sweetened (that right, sweetened) iced coffee (with half and half) and I no longer actually have to order. The other day though I ordered my venti and the woman who knows me all too well looked at me and said, "Would you like to try our new, bigger size, the Trenta." And out of nowhere she pulled out this mammoth cup that made the venti look like a tall. My mouth dropped when she showed me the cup. It was like a "double gulp" at 7-11. Thank god I said no. But this is what America has come to. America is a big, fat distracted baby, and venti is no longer big enough. Sad day, America, sad day.

I waited on some British people tonight that absolutely made me sick. They came in with a 20 percent off coupon for their meal which I applied to the meal, no problem. But then, their pasta came out too soon after their appetizer and the woman complained about it being cold. This isn't all too uncommon, we simply reheated the pasta for her and gave it back, easy fix. But at the end of the meal, they decided that they should be compensated for all of their suffering. They wanted something done to the bill. I sighed and took the matter to the manager, who then graciously comped all of their food (so they only had to pay for the wine and beer they ordered and their appetizer). They took one look at this severely reduced bill and said, "What happened to the 20% off?" So I took it back and we took 20% off of the remaining food on the bill (the coupon only applied to food). They got a whopping 2 more dollars off of their bill. They then started to complain about how the discount didn't apply to alcohol. My manager very kindly explained the rules and they called him a bitch and left without tipping me a penny.

This whole situation made me really sad for humankind. Why are there people out there like this? Needless to say, they made me feel really upset. The other servers could tell how upset I was and one of them asked me if this was my first serving job. I said yes and he said "Yeah, when I worked my first serving job I used to wake up in the middle of the night sweating thinking that I forgot to run someone's food or something." This is absolutely true. Ever since I've started waiting tables I have had several stress dreams about forgetting to ring in orders, food running late etc. It is a stressful job and I think more people out there need to realize that it isn't as easy as you think.