The Comfy Corner

I've recently discovered something very odd about myself. I always start my journeys before I realize that I don't know where I'm going. For instance, I get into the car and start driving before I realize that I have no idea how to get where I'm going. Which proves to be a dangerous endeavor because I'm always fighting with Google Maps instead of paying attention to the road.  Or when I'm not in a car, I often start walking down the street in a random direction before I realize that I don't know where I'm going (so I'm fighting with Google Maps and walking into traffic - I seriously have a death wish). Now, one could analyze this a couple different ways.

One could say that I'm being a terrible Boy Scout, and one would be right, because I'm living my life in every way except prepared. I'm making decisions heedless of the consequences. Jumping into things without the proper tools needed to do them well. I often do this while I'm cooking. I'll just turn on the stove before I know what I'm cooking or before I've even taken a pan out of the cabinet or an ingredient out of the fridge (a waste of gas, don't tell my room mate). One might say I'm getting ahead of myself, putting the cart before the horse. Jumping to results instead of enjoying the journey.

Or one might say the opposite. That I'm only focused on the journey with little interest in where it will take me. I'm just jumping headfirst into things with full commitment and an open heart. Yeah, it's dangerous. Yeah, I run the risk of wrecking my car because I'm never exactly sure how I'm gonna get where I'm going. But isn't it an exciting way of going through life? Just getting in the car and driving? Just picking a random direction and walking? Just turning on the stove and figuring out a meal? Exciting? Yes. Dangerous? Yes. But I like to think that I'm at a point in my life where I'm not so much concerned with the how as I am with the what. I know what I wanna do and where I wanna go. And I think I've subconsciously decided that I'm just gonna do it and the how will figure itself out along the journey. So jump in y'all. And, as always, curl up with something or someone soft and stay comfy. Cause life is short.

I have recently started reading "Eat, Pray, Love" - a book that my male, lesbian, and masculine female friends told me was awful and I shouldn't read it - so I knew I'd love it. I'm learning so much about how to deal with men! And I am reading it during my offstage time in the current show I'm doing (...Millie). Just picture me dressed in stereotypical Asian rice-picker garb, with watery eyes and a sympathetic frown on my face reading "Eat, Pray, Love" offstage. I'm only about eight chapters in, which, for those of you who know the book, is like 8 pages. But it has immediately got me thinking about change. Change is something that I think our world is starting to accept. Well, I can't decide if it is something we have decided to accept or if we've just grown weary of fighting it. Either way, I have thought of some examples for you to chew on so that you don't have to think of any on your own.

Example one: I remember back in the earlier days of Facebook, every time something changed on my profile, it was like the world shifted off orbit a little bit. I had to blog about it, talk about it at lunch with friends, make a sassy status about it, etc. But now, it is changing with such frequency that every one seems too exhausted to care. We have become unfazed. Change on Facebook is about as big a deal as that new reality show "Splash" (Nobody cares! You guys aren't even good at diving!). Or here's another one: what about the new G-mail compose layout? I switched right on over to the new feature and didn't bat a single eyelash, not a one. And I figured there was no use "taking a tour of the new features" because it's just gonna change again (And honestly, I use Gmail to write and receive emails. That's the only feature I need from you Gmail). Ain't nobody got time to take tours of Gmail!

And to use a bigger example, gay marriage is at the forefront of political debate right now and public opinion has drastically shifted in a very short amount of time. And I wonder to myself, "Self, what made everyone change their mind so quickly?" And then I talked to a friend who said, "Yeah, my mom called me and was like, 'Hey, should I vote yes or no to this gay marriage thing?' And my friend said, 'Yes mom, obviously yes.'" And that was that. Opinion changed. So maybe most of the people in this country have just called their kids and asked them what they thought! Because they are all just tired of caring or thinking about things. Just a thought.  

All in all, I'm happy that we are growing accustomed to change. As they say in that space wars movie thing with the robots, "Resistance is futile." And I've decided to take sides with a friend of mine you may know who's named Obama. Change has become something that I believe in. And as a return-the-favor to Obama, I am consequently going to become a Chang that others can believe in. I have goals y'all! And I'm gonna make ya proud. Embrace change, embrace Chang, and stay comfy y'all!

I'm standing at a precipice. The realization that it's time to start being an adult is settling on me. I'm not totally there. I'm not about to do something crazy like get married or buy throw pillows or anything, but if the bridge to adulthood were an actual bridge, then I'd say that I just found the bridge on a map and I'm headed that direction. And I'm not afraid to admit it, I know where I'm going. I'm likely to make a few pits stops along the way because once you cross the bridge to adulthood there is no turning back and I wanna make sure I've experienced everything I can on this side of the bridge before I cross it. But, here are some of the things I've recently decided are important foot stones on the drunken, regret-laden, sometimes-I-black-out-and-sing-Taylor-Swift path to adulthood.

1) Be a Good Host - This pertains to both parties and having guests over for the night. At parties, have some alcohol available ahead of time (no mid party liquor store runs) and have some food and non-alcoholic options (not everyone wants to get drunk). When having guests over for the night, have blankets and pillows ready, offer them a drink, some food, coffee in the morning, and a clean towel. A good host has more to offer than just a couch.

2) Don't Drink Tequila, Ever - As an almost-adult I've decided that there are certain alcohols I should and shouldn't drink. Tequila, for me, is a no-no. Find your no-no's and your go-go's! I have my go-to drink, a vodka soda, that not only helps me avoid scream-singing "I Can Go the Distance," but it also helps me keep my manly figure.

3) Get Home Before Two - "I have work in the morning..." is now, I have officially decided, a perfectly acceptable excuse to exit or avoid any potentially non-adult situation. I am an almost-adult and I need to show up to work in the morning well rested and without a hangover (or God-forbid still being a little drunk).

4) Bring a Bottle of Wine to a Party - In my transition from newborn baby to adult (I feel as though I've skipped all stages in between those two), I've decided it is now unacceptable to show up to a party empty handed. Adults bring something for the host, be it wine or Oreos. Something.

5) Remember to Close Your Tab - Adults don't get so drunk that they forget where they are or that they have to pay for things. Adults pay for things. Don't steal. Children steal. Adults have children, they don't act like children. I'm not ready for children. I may never be an adult... Moving on...

6) Wear Nice Clothes - I've reached a point in my life where I not only feel the need to start acting like a grown up, but I also feel the need to start looking like one. Shaving and showering happen on a regular basis now and I own more button ups and sweaters than ever before! I recently bought a pair of chinos. Times are changing.

7) Read the News - In college, I felt, for some reason, that it was okay to say things like, "No I don't know about what's happening in Israel because I'm in college!" That is no longer okay. Adults know what's going on in the world and can offer their piece of the opinion pie in any adult conversation.

8) Save Receipts - An adult is prepared for an audit. I'm not that kind of adult yet. And I don't foresee myself making enough money any time soon to need to be that adult. But I have started saving receipts!

9) Spend Money on Things - I've reached the point in my life where I am starting to realize that there are no more semesters. There is no "next chapter" plainly in view. My future right now is giant shards of amorphous confusion that I have about sixty or so years to piece together into something I won't call regret. So... I should start investing in furniture that will last for a length of time.

10) Buy Groceries - I'm cooking more of my meals than I ever have in the past. Adults cook. And adults know how to find the sales. Adults save leftovers and remember they are in the fridge.

I'm becoming an adult. It's scary to admit, I know, but I'm ready to embrace it. I'm packing my "emergency bag for the rest of time." The lonesomeness, the burden, the struggle, of adulthood is at my doorstep and I'm going to answer the door with confidence.

Stay comfy y'all

I find it interesting to think about the various things we do and accomplish in our lives and how they relate and inform each other. For example, how does my obsession with Harry Potter relate and connect to my acting abilities (infinite connections, believe me. WWDRD - What would Daniel Radcliffe do?). I've been introducing myself into the cabaret world of New York while simultaneously doing the same thing in the improv world. And there is one concept that bridges these two artforms in a most beautiful way: you are enough.

You are enough.Three words that can at any moment make me laugh with utter joy or cry uncontrollable tears of sorrow. In improv, they teach you that you are inherently funny. People are inherently interesting. You don't need to layer on any silly character or crazy idea. You can be yourself and yourself will be enough. And I'm starting to realize that you are enough because you are so very similar to everyone else on this earth. We are all a jumble of the same materials and ideas. We all eat, we all sleep, we all breathe the same air, so it is silly to think that you need to do a scene about lesbian vampires on Mars in a room made of jello in order to be funny or interesting. A funnier scene would develop from two best friends that just had an incredible dinner. It's relatable. It's you. It's me. It's enough.

And in cabaret it's even more so. I've seen so many incredible performers freeze up in cabaret type settings because they aren't playing a character or acting. In cabaret, you are playing yourself. And being yourself is really difficult. I feel like I'm fighting this treacherous battle and I'm on this long and dangerous journey only to arrive at my destination which is - myself. We feel this constant need to layer on more things to make ourselves better versions of ourselves but it all ends up having the opposite effect. We seem desperate or like we're trying too hard. Too much icing on the cake. You are the cake and your cake is perfect. So my little piece of wisdom of the day: you are enough. I've never met a person in my LIFE that I've thought "you are a completely uninteresting person." Even people that I've initially thought as "boring" turn out to have many layers and are just as weird as every other weirdo in this world. So stay comfy y'all, because you're enough.

Tonight is the final night of a show that has been steering my life for the past year. It started as an idea that this stage manager of one of my shows pushed me to turn into an actual thing. And then I started doing a lot of brain storming. And then I mentioned it to someone in passing and they set a date for the show and scheduled a space. And having a deadline forced me to actually start creating things and fast forward a few months, I'm performing the show in New York City in one of New York's oldest, most amazing cabaret theaters. It's been a whirlwind experience to say the least. But I've realized something rather important through this process: doing shows in New York is FUCKING EXPENSIVE but you can't put a price on art. You can't put a price on my boyfriend's tears after the show or my own tears after reading a congratulatory email from my dad. Those things are priceless. Thanks American Express for stealing that idea.

I've actually had to completely restructure my view of money through this process. When I did this show in Colorado last summer, everyone handed everything to me on a silver platter. They gave me a space, my music director volunteered his time for free, the musicians were HAPPY to play for me for free. It was a dream come true! Or maybe it was just because the town I was in was so small there was nothing better to do. In any event, who cares!? I created something pretty awesome for free. And then I came to New York with an idea to do the same thing, but I realized very quickly that if I wanted it to be good, it wasn't going to be handed to me in the same way.

Needless to say, there are plenty of things to do in New York and people don't work for free very often. And rightfully so! New York is ridiculously expensive and getting more so every day. MTA fare hikes, I quit you. I'm surprised they don't charge you to breathe in this city. But I have come to the understanding that I have to view money as a liquid thing. A thing that will come into my life and go out of my life in regular intervals. I've always looked at money as a thing that I should be squirreling away and protecting with my life. And when I have that view of money, it pains me every time I swipe my card or put a pen to my checkbook. But now I see money as opportunity. I see money as classes, contacts, connections, friendships, shows etc. And when I look at money like that, I get a lot less stressed out. Some people work for free because they can, they want to, or they like you a lot and some people charge money for this reason or that and some people charge very little money because of several other reasons. In the end, it doesn't matter. More money doesn't equate to more talent, I mean, I could name several TV actors... Money is simply money and people have their prices. End of story. I didn't go into this business for money or because of money, so I'm learning to let it go. I write those thousands of dollars worth of checks away and I can still breathe. It's a learning experience, but I think it's an important one for every artist to go through. You can't put a price on art.

Stay comfy y'all!

I've been gettin' a real kick lately at the number of people who have all sorts of quality advice about my career. What I've discovered is that everyone is apparently an expert in every field! I didn't know that until recently, but dang, what a discovery! For instance, I was talking to a gentleman recently who once took an acting class. He informed me that what I need to do is go see shows that have roles in them that I could potentially play. This was a real breakthrough for me. He suggested I go see Jersey Boys because... that show has guys in it! And then he had a light bulb moment which was quite exciting for both of us. He said, "Have you considered being in Book of Mormon?" That hadn't crossed my mind! But now I think I'll go sign up to be in it. Cause, gollygee, it sure sounds like an awful lot of fun.

My favorite, however, is the people who come up to my room mate and me and say things like, "You know what you should do? You should get an agent!" or "Have you considered looking into getting an agent?" This is just solid advice. I'll run on down to the agent store and find one I like!

Lastly, I was really inspired by whoever wrote the recent Backstage article about auditioning holding rooms. She warned me that when I get to an audition there could be "ten other people waiting to audition." She also let me know that if the day is really busy I might have to wait "up to an hour." Garsh, that sounds like a tough situation! Thanks for the warning.

Stay comfy y'all.

The other night, my friend Melonie and I decided that it was high time that we had a night of debauchery. This night has become a bit of a tradition and it usually involves us stuffing our faces with delicious vegan strawberry shortcake from Peacefoods Cafe and then going to Dive 75 and getting blackout drunk while we play Scattergories and eat Reese's cups by the fish tank. A sensible night for anyone involved, right? But this particular night did not go quite as planned.

Everything was perfect. I was at a perfect level of drunk, we were playing Scattergories, we were alternating buying each other drinks, and we had finally scored an actual table instead of a spot at the bar. Bliss. But then, Melonie realized that her bag and her coat were gone. This is when the chaos ensued. As we stumbled around the small, crowded bar looking for her bag and her coat we suddenly realized how drunk we actually were. I was stumbling and running into people. The bouncer even yelled at us for looking through other people's things. That's when Melonie turned on the drunk girl tears.

Tears like pearls poured down her face as she started blatantly making up all the things that were in her missing bag, "ALL MY CASH I OWN! MY PHONE! MY METRO CARD! MY SOCIAL SECURITY CARD! MY PASSPORT! MY PAYCHECKS! I WAS GOING TO THE BANK BUT I FORGOT!!!" We were legit starting to cause a scene at this point. So that is when the owner of the bar came over and gave us 30 bucks to take a cab home. I gave Melonie my jacket and we ventured out into the freezing New York air minus one coat and one bag. This is when my memory gets patchy. I remember having a Con-Edison traffic cone in my arms, hugging it like a Teddy bear, I remember Melonie jumping over the turnstile to ride the subway (guess we forgot about the cab money), I remember her crying while she sat on the edge of the platform with her legs dangling towards the tracks, I remember screaming at her about the danger of that,  and then I remember being on the train.

On the train Melonie turned on the tears EXTRA hard. The crowd began to gather around us to listen to our sob story. I rubbed her back and nodded my head a lot and said useless things like, "It's okay, we'll find it. Don't worry. We'll figure it out." As a result, this really nice teacher woman gave us a 45 dollar Metro card. And then, as we were stumbling off the train another older woman gave us her 8 dollar Metro card. She looked SO sorry for us!

So, if we are all doing the math here, WE SCORED 83 DOLLARS JUST BY BEING DRUNK AND SAD!!! I'm thinking that this is a business we should really look into! In then end, we woke up with the worst hangovers, the bar called me (apparently I left my information) and they found her bag and coat, and I now have a huge Con Edison traffic cone sitting in the corner of my room. It'll come in handy for something I suppose. Stay comfy y'all!