8/31/2011

Lemme See a Picture of Him...

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In days of old it was completely appropriate to ask to see a picture of one's children, pets, or perhaps a husband or wife because those are the appropriate things one might carry around photos of in his or her wallet or purse. Nowadays, the whole photo frontier has changed completely. Most people don't carry around wallet size photos anymore because they can just store photos on their phone. It's convenient, yes, but at the same time it stresses me out. And this is why...


Let's say I just graduated from college and I started dating this guy and all of my friends from school don't know this guy so they demand more information. Well, naturally when I talk about him they are gonna wanna know what he looks like. Well, in the olden days they would have had to wait for an in-person introduction because, back then, people didn't trade pictures of themselves on the first date to show to their friends for approval. That would have been absurd! But now, with Facebook, there is an expectation that you will immediately be able to produce a picture of the significant other. And so when I have these conversations I brace myself for the inevitable, "Lemme see a picture of him..." routine. This is where the stress builds. What picture do I show them??? The one of him making a stank face at a party? No, too informal. His headshot? Too formal. This picture he took of himself in the mirror? Perhaps... but maybe they'll think he's conceited or something. This picture of him with friends? Too far away, you can't see him that well. This picture of him in a show? No it doesn't show his personality in the right way. THERE ARE SO MANY OPTIONS!! And if you're like me, you wanna choose a photo that best represents the person you are falling for. Am I crazy? Maybe. But, in a way, the picture is replacing that initial introduction so for him and for me, I want it to be a good first impression.

So I choose a picture and then there is the awkward moment where they look at the picture and you wait for the, "Wow, he's cute!" or "Oh, you'll make such a cute couple." I dunno. Maybe it isn't that weird. But, it feels weird to me. Like I'm trying to sell him or something. I'd rather go back to the days of in-person introductions and real photos. So much more gratifying, no? I think so.


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8/30/2011

I Was Totally Just Creeping on You

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So I had a moment today that I'm not proud of.


I went to one of my favorite bakeries in Boston called "Flour" and I was with my friends Noel and Beth. I had just finished giving my order to the woman at the register and I was hovering next to the little bar where you put cream and sugar in your coffee waiting for my friend Noel to finish with his order so we could find a seat. I was leaning very close to my friend Beth kind of staring off into the distance, zoning out per usual, when I noticed that she had bought a raspberry seltzer. I stared kind of longingly at this raspberry seltzer regretting that I didn't get one myself because they are three kinds of delicious when suddenly Beth looks at me kinda crazy. I realize that she is staring at me and without looking at her I say, "Ugh, those are sooo delicious." There was an awkward moment, so I looked up and realized that it wasn't Beth at all!

Gee willikers, was I humiliated? I jumped back and got kinda short of breath and quickly muttered, "Sorry, I was totally just creeping on you..." What?!?! I couldn't have just said, "Oh excuse me, I thought you were my friend Beth. So sorry." Nope, I just went to my weird place. She was downright offended that I had stood so close to her for so long. I guess I would be too if I was her and she was me. But come on, it's not like I'm a homeless person or a crackhead or anything. Wouldn't you want an attractive young half-Asian hover around you while you doctor your raspberry seltzer? Don't answer that. That's my story. Bye.

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8/23/2011

Can I Have a Chip?

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Ya know when you leave a place after living there for a long time and you think to yourself, "Good riddance! I couldn't be happier to get away from this hell hole!" but then you go back several months later and realize that you sort of missed it? Well, this DID NOT happen to me on my most recent trip to Boston.


I got into Boston late after having done a show and after struggling to maze my way through the financial district (basically someone threw up on a map and called it a neighborhood) and after struggling to find a parking spot near my apartment where I felt safe that my car wouldn't get stolen, I realized that I was hungry. By this time, it was about 1am so I decided that I would go to my go-to, late-night pizza place that I love so much. "New York Pizza," the only place in Boston that is open till 3am. What a great way to come back home, right? Well, I got there and they changed their hours and were closed! "What the hell?" thought I, but I wasn't too concerned because I knew I could go to my neighborhood bar where they serve the most AMAZING mac and cheese. But when I got there, they has JUST closed the kitchen. At my wits end, I begged the bartender for anything to eat. She brought me a bowl of chips.

So there I was sitting there sadly with my bowl of chips and a glass of water trying to convince myself that I shouldn't be eating late anyway when this crackhead woman comes up to me and abrasively says to me, "Hey! Can I have a chip?" I looked at her flatly and said, "No, absolutely not." And for a moment she looked like she was going to punch me in the face. But then, she got distracted by something and walked away.

So I realized several things in this short amount of time 1) I still HATE Boston and don't want to go back 2) I need to stop eating late because it is becoming a habit 3) I need to stop being afraid of drunk people and homeless people that I can clearly beat up

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8/19/2011

The Fantastic Umbrella Factory

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So I grew up in a little ole town called Asheville in the little ole state of North Carolina. Nestled in the heart of the Appalachian mountains, Asheville is quite atypical of your average Southern town. It is littered with hippies, drum circles, and gays. Every single store downtown is local (except for a subway and an Urban Outfitters). Growing up there, however, I was always in the suburbs of Asheville which is just the opposite. It is all chain restaurants and Wal-Marts (we have five!!) and since my dad hates hippies and dreadlocks (he claims that the bugs will jump out of their hair and get in his food... pah! Asians...) we never ventured downtown where all the fun was. So I avoided developing an "Asheville personality." Since then, I have fled North Carolina and planted myself in New England and only recently am I beginning to feel this strange urge to embrace my hippie, Asheville roots. I'm being brought back to the days when I would sweat with the hippies in a barn doing the contra dance to fiddle music (no joke, every Thursday).

This summer I have purchased a pair of John Lennon glasses, I tie dyed a shirt for the first time, and I wear bandanas on a regular basis. I am literally seeking out hippie clothes! And on this hunt, I found the coolest place on the planet. It is called, "The Fantastic Umbrella Factory." It is a little Rhode Island hippie village with a cafe, several shops, green houses, the most awesome collection of vintage sunglasses, and goats and emus that you can pet and feed. Basically, Asheville in a bottle. Strangely, I felt very at home and very much at ease in that environment. Perhaps this is me trying to develop a unique personality in my journey into adulthood. But, I think it is more the freeness and openness that comes with the hippie lifestyle. I'm not REALLY becoming a hippie. No dreadlocks for me. And I like Starbucks. But, I also like incense. And I like tie dye. My family will be so disappointed. But to them I say, shut up.



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8/01/2011

Mondays = Fridays

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July Thirty First, Two Thousand Eleven

7:30pm - "Hairspray" performance is done and I pick up a basket of disgustingly sweaty button up shirts and take them to the cottage to be laundered.

9:00pm - I sing a song about skanky skanky whores at a cabaret in front of a group of little old ladies from Matunuck, RI while Sabrina Blaze, the town drag queen is in the next room changing into her rainbow crinolines.

10:00pm - Check into the Westin Providence with nine of my closest Hairspray friends. The Asian lady at the front desk tells me that she "rikes to drrink at jee jah" an Irish pub that we later found out was actually called, "Ri ra" PAH! Asians...

11:30pm Arrive at "Li la" and see an Asian woman singing "Last Dance" on the patio. The Asians... it all makes sense now. We count down to some dude's birthday at midnight and then do jetes out the door.

12:15am We spot a gay bar that is actually open and playing the greatest mix of gay tunes and showing episodes of "Will and Grace" on the TV above the bar. We stay there until they close having so much fun doing walk-offs, dropping randomly into splits, dancing on the bar, voguing and doing unnecessary battements. When we leave, people at the bar tell us that they have never seen the bar that alive on a Sunday night.

2:00??? am I walk to some random hotel in Providence not wearing shoes to go to a Cirque de Soleil party. I meet an Australian aerialist who offers me a space cake. Tony goes missing. Time to go.

4:00???ish am My friend Nicole declares that she is hungry and refuses to believe that everything is closed saying, "IF PRESIDENT OBAMA WAS HERE AND HUNGRY RIGHT NOW HE WOULD BE ABLE TO GET FOOD!!" Sure enough, we find an IHOP and it fulfills all of our fantasies (well, most).

5:00am The bed at the Westin actually hugs me as the real air conditioning caresses my skin. I sleep better than I have in 2 months.

With one day off a week, folks, you gotta just live it up. And Providence...you alright.

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7/31/2011

Unicows and Magical Ponies

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So if you follow, you'll notice that the past month had few comfy corners. I've been doing wardrobe for this little show called "Hairspray" and lemme tell ya folks... wardrobe. is. no. joke. So much harder than acting. For this show, we have hundreds of costumes that are washed, ironed and steamed every day, forty two wigs that take an hour a piece to comb out (and are combed out daily), and probably about a hundred or so costume changes that happen during the show. They don't mess around! So I haven't had time to blog, but while I have been busy ironing, I've also been busy choreographing this kids show for the theatre's kids camp. And can I say ya'll, it just made every day a little more bearable. It reaffirmed my desire to have children and there are several children that I may or may not have kidnapped.


One of these children, Matt, was just the cutest little boy and he was such a little actor. After the show was done he drew this poster for the show (the show was "Twinderella" the story of Cinderella's twin brother, Bob). As he was drawing this poster I walk up to him and say, "What are you drawing?" He says, "A unicow, duh." I laughed and said, "What's a unicow?" Well, apparently, it's a unicorn, but a cow. And few people know this, but it was actually a unicow that jumped over the moon. So naturally we ended up in a really deep conversation about unicows, how rare they are, and what powers they possess when he mentioned that there were actually magical ponies and dragons at his birth (can we say... future homosexual?!) To which I cleverly responded, "Oh, wow, there were only magical ponies at mine." And THEN, we got into another in-depth conversation about all the different types of magical ponies (the pink ones with the purple stripes are the most powerful) when this little girl tried to join in by saying, "I like the neon ones." We both stopped and looked at her and we both said AT THE SAME TIME, "Those don't exist."

So essential I turned into a nine year old bully for like two weeks while I taught them jazz squares and chasses. It confirmed several things for me, though: kids have the most amazing imaginations, I definitely want to have children, and I definitely do NOT want to do theatre with children again if I can avoid it (I just get so frustrated when they can't remember to walk onto the stage). So, if you have any questions about unicows or magical ponies, I'm your man.

Ya'll have a nice day.


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7/13/2011

Kids These Days

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I distinctly remember moments from my childhood when my older sister would punch me in the shoulder because I would copy everything she did or I'd always order the same thing she ordered at restaurants. She would get so upset with me and I never really understood why. Or those moments when adults would say things to me like, "When I was your age, we didn't even have a TV" or "These are the greatest years of your life so enjoy them." And still, I never really understood. This past weekend, however, my little sister (she's ten and super sassy) came to visit and suddenly I understood.


I found myself saying things to her like, "I didn't have a cell phone when I was your age" or "When I got bored I'd play outside." Not only did it make me feel like I was actually becoming an adult (a terrifying revelation all in itself), but I also started to understand why I pissed my older sister off so much. I brought my little sister to the annual Splash Bash at our theatre. Basically they bring in a huge, inflatable water slide and we have the best time. Well, she was going down the slide over and over again and every time she learned a new "trick" she would scream, "Nathan! Nathan! Come here! Watch me!" and if I wasn't watching she'd come right over and call me out saying, "You aren't really watching." I was annoyed but at the same time I understood her frustration. This is what I was doing to my older sister when I was a kid!

Kids are changing, for sure. They live in a different world. They are less respectful, they get cell phones at an early age, and they are sassier but at heart, kids are still kids. They like to play and they like to have friends to play with. And they want you to watch. Next week I will be teaching the kids camp here at Theatre by the Sea, so I'm sure there will be more comfy kids stories. Stay tuned, ya'll.

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